Never felt such pain & love

It may not “look” like it, but I’ve been confronting a lot of mental health “things” I’ve been burying down most of my teenage and adult life.

I’ve always reached out to things in my external environment to change my inner feelings or state of being rather than look within and change my thoughts, actions and ultimately, my emotions.

The day my younger brother passed was the day I believe a ton of those thoughts and emotions began pouring out of me and I never felt such a moment of pain and love for someone as the day I held his hand while he was no longer in his body.

The more I face these emotions, and learn what’s going on inside of me on a deeper level, the more I find clarity and comfort in what I’m experiencing and no longer question my own existence or purpose for living and doing all the things I strive to do or that others “expect” me to do.

A few things I’ve been challenged with is letting go of the control I seem to find myself leaning towards to fill a void of security I’ve lacked in terms how how “safe” and “secure” I’ve never really felt majority of my life. The more I learn about myself, the more I learn to let go of judgment towards myself and others, and I see myself and my experiences behind their actions and words. I’ve also been learning how emotions we feel are just trapped energy in motion, “good” or “bad”. In order to get a new emotion, we have to break the chemical addiction our body has conditioned itself to, which then creates the body controlling the mind and is why no matter how much we want to change, we just can’t seem to do it.

The other challenge is closely related to control but it’s to embrace the unknown (break the addiction to my past self, chemically/emotionally speaking) and not try to influence what comes from the unknown or navigate it any other way than with pure observation and curiosity.

The last 3 weeks I’ve taken time away from being present on social media and in real life for the most part, and have been doing a lot of inner work on myself and working to create change. It’s been an amazing moment of clarity, curiosity, and truth. It’s making so much sense, allowing me to change how I think and feel, and be more transparent and authentic with those I connect with.

I encourage you to do the same, no matter what state of being you’re in, because it can only help bring more abundance into your life.

Josh P. 💚🧠✌️